By Beau Elliot
After a rather confusing week, even by today’s standards (which might be an oxymoron) — where are the Russians? Here; no, there; no, there; no, here; no, nowhere; no, somewhere — the Republicans were left with ashes.
Ashes. That would be the Fake-News-in-Chief and House Speaker Paul Ryan contemplating the bust of Homer. It’s a very famous painting, I hear. But maybe I just Remembranted something along those lines.
Actually, the Trumpster and House Speaker Ryan were mulling their health-insurance plan, which was supposed to put Obamacare in its death bed (or some cliché near there, thus the infamous “death panels”).
Not to be, Hamlet. The Republicans have tried for seven-odd years (and they have been odd) to plunge a stake into the heart of Obamacare, and they have failed every time. Maybe they should try a steak next time.
The Trumpster promised to put an end to Obamacare, and now he sits, not exactly with egg on his face, but with the entire omelet exploded all over his face, expensive suit, desktop, and most of the rest of the Oval Office. I mean, who was it who challenged House Republicans last week by saying vote for my plan or have Obamacare forever?
Um, yeah. Great move by the great deal-maker. Remember when the Trumpster was going to remake American politics because he wrote The Art of the Deal?
Me, neither.
Meanwhile, in happier news, LaVar Ball, the father of UCLA star Lonzo Ball, has become the most famous personality this side of the Asteroid Belt for, basically, managing to open his mouth more often than a mouth-breather. Quite a feat, you must admit.
While the Trumpster is hands-down (or hands-up) the Mississippi River of distorted reality, the senior Ball is the Amazon River of disinformation gone Salvador Dali. Hard as it is to believe, Ball has a greater current, more volume, and a metric ton more silt than even the great Trumpster could hope to flow.
Take a claim much parroted by some ESPN Radio announcers that Ball averaged more points than Michael Jordan or Kobe Bryant in college. For his North Carolina career (three seasons), Jordan averaged 17.7 points per game. In one season at Washington State (1986-87), Ball averaged 2.2 points, 2.3 rebounds, and 1.0 assists per game, in 36 games. Then he transferred to a Division 2 school. Jordan transferred to the NBA.
And Kobe? Every guy who played college basketball averaged more points than Kobe. Yes. Every single one.
Kobe never played college basketball.
Along that same line, Sen. Ted Cruz, in trying to support Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch, said the American people voted for strict constructionalists on the Supreme Court.
No, they didn’t.
Democrat Hillary Clinton won the popular vote by more than 3 million votes, and given the opportunity to nominate a justice, Clinton would not have chosen a “strict constructionalist.” Whatever “strict constructionalist” means.
Well, Sen. Diane Feinstein had a pretty good definition:
“At the time of our founding, African Americans were enslaved, it was not so long after women had been burned at the stake for witchcraft, and the idea of an automobile, let alone the Internet, was unfathomable. If we were to dogmatically adhere to originalist interpretations, then we would still have segregated schools and bans on interracial marriage. Women wouldn’t be entitled to equal protection under the law, and government discrimination against LGBT Americans would be permitted.”
Sounds like Trumpland. We should go visit there sometime. But not stay too long.
