The Daily Break (03/08/17)

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HOROSCOPES

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Play fair. Stick to the rules, and be
careful not to get into a battle that makes no sense. Sticking to a
simple plan that is reasonable for everyone involved will help keep
bad feelings and unnecessary arguments at bay.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Don’t let emotions stand in your way. If you
don’t see eye-to-eye with someone you live with, it’s best to do your
own thing and avoid getting into a no-win debate. Your home should be
tranquil, not filled with turmoil.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Anger is best channeled into something
constructive. Pick a creative outlet or sign up for a physical
challenge that is geared toward fitness and better health. Don’t trust
someone who dishes out compliments with ulterior motives.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Assist one of your peers in lieu of getting
the help you need in return. Give and take will be necessary if you
want to reach your goals. Use your intelligence to uncover information
that will help you advance.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Emotions will rise to the surface, giving you
reason to question your position, achievements, and prospects. Plan to
get together with people who can help you bring about positive
changes. A pick-me-up will do you good.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You have to participate if you want to bring
about change. Don’t complain if you aren’t willing to do the grunt
work required to get things done. Sometimes, you have to go outside
your comfort zone to accomplish your goals.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Ease into topics that can change the
dynamics of an important partnership. Honesty and diplomacy will be
required if you want to find common ground. Romance will aid you in
making amends as well as helping you get your way.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Don’t be afraid to be different. It’s your
uniqueness that will attract attention. Anyone who doesn’t approve
should probably be left behind. Surround yourself with creative people
who are willing to accept you as you are. Don’t give in to emotional
manipulation.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You will face important choices. Avoid
getting into senseless debates with people who will never see things
your way. Change begins within, so tidy up your personal matters, and
live life your own way.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Let your intuition take over when dealing
with emotional matters. Whether you are dealing with an outsider or
someone close to you, disagreements will be the result of not seeing
eye-to-eye. Choose to do your own thing.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Be careful how you handle emotional
situations at work or at home. Trouble will set in if you are too
vocal or persistent about the way you want things done. Don’t
overreact when you should be choosing a peaceful alternative.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Think before you act. Someone will tempt
you with information that lacks truth and substance. Trust in what you
know and what you are capable of doing. Push your own ideas instead of
helping someone else get ahead.


THE LEDGE

Know Your Ledge Author

·   Uber and I STRONGLY disagree on what “Your driver is arriving now” means.

·   I’m OK if they don’t make any Jurassic World sequels because “a
world where dinosaurs have returned to destroy everything” is
basically just “the news” now.

·   As a child, I always thought I’d be good at moving houses and it
would be easy because I was really good at Tetris, but after I
perfectly fit the first boxes of boxes into the U-Haul, all my stuff
vanished.

·   I’m thinking about starting a podcast. I have no idea the topic,
format, length, or frequency, but Squarespace and LootCrate are
already arguing over who gets to sponsor it.

·   “Calm your tits: is a highly gendered, dismissive, and insulting
thing that men say to women far too often, so I’ve begun telling
anxious men to “calm your pecker.” They do NOT like it.

·   I have a full-sized mirror on the ceiling above my bed because I
like to watch myself lying awake, worrying about a huge mirror falling
on me. It’s so hot.

·   I spent 30 minutes this morning playing fetch with my cat, and my
arm has been sore ever since. Little turd must weigh 17 pounds.

·   I misunderstood what Atkins was, and now it’s been over 15 years
since the last time I’ve eaten crabs.

Andrew R. Juhl probably should’ve realized his mistake sooner, but he
was busy eating grilled cheese sandwiches